After talking to Sandra, a nurse practioner and mother of 4 year old twins, I wished I had called her earlier. She had a wealth of practical advice for me. When I told her about the hard time my mom was having taking care of the twins by herself, she said that they have to be put on a schedule, and they need to eat and sleep at the same time. She thought we were crazy for feeding them on demand as long as we have.
She put her twins on a schedule since they were one week old. Letting our girls eat and sleep whenever they want means that one of them is always awake at any point in time, and a single caretaker like my mom would never have time to go to the bathroom, let alone eat. Her twins went to a home daycare person who took care of six kids, including her twins! Once our girls’ day is more structured, she said my mom should have no problem. Well, that’s a relief to know.
Yesterday, we put the kids on an every four hour schedule of feeding, with each of us feeding one girl at the same time. Tonight we’re going to try feeding them in the car seats. Later, we’ll see if one person can feed both girls in their car seats at the same time. We’ll let you know how it goes.
[From this point forward, this entry is written by Bernard] This new schedule has been working out great. As Agnes said, on Tuesday her mom was absolutely swamped by the twins tag-teaming her. Yesterday (Wednesday), we tried the new schedule with her. The feedings on this schedule are currently set to 8:30, 12:30, and 4:30, both AM and PM. Agnes’ mom isn’t convinced yet that she can feed both girls at the same time, so for now I’m helping out with the feedings that happen while she’s here.
We pick up the girls at the same time. I change a diaper first. Agnes’ mom prefers to do it after the girl she’s feeding is halfway through her bottle. A feeding, including burping and holding, takes about an hour, give or take 15 minutes. The girls finish at about the same time, and then they go back to their cribs.
It doesn’t always work perfectly. Yesterday, Miranda didn’t want to wait until 4:30 PM for her bottle. Agnes’ mom had to soothe her from 3:30 onward until it was time to eat. Today, the girls were still sleeping at 4:45 PM and we weren’t sure if we should wake them up.
What is nice about this schedule is that it solves a number of problems that the on-demand feeding was causing. We no longer need to worry about if both girls are hungry at the same time — they’re supposed to be and we’re making sure we can feed them at the same time. We don’t wonder if crying means that we need to feed one of them another bottle, and then worry if they’re going to waste most of it. We know they’re eating enough, and that they’re not going to starve while waiting for the next feeding time. Aside from some soothing we need to do between feedings, we know that the day really isn’t that busy except at scheduled times of the day. And for some reason, the girls seem to fuss a lot less between feedings. Maybe the structure really is good for them.
It’s only day two of this new schedule and I’m sure we’re going to hit some bumps in the road. We’re going to have to learn when to adjust the schedule because of their changing needs. We’re going to have to deal with outside distractions that keep us from sticking to our schedule. But so far, it’s really been encouraging.
i second that! sorry, i had no idea you were feeding them on demand. even with one kid, i put lucas on a schedule too. he had the opposite problem that he never really cried when he’s hungry in the beginning. so we started with feeding/changing every 3h and sometimes we had to wake him up (gently). then as he got older, every 4h. even older, every 6h and now milk twice daily.
you have to do this with their naps too. when he was about 3-4mo, he was more awake and slept less between feeding so he napped. but my nanny was letting him sleep whenever he was tired. the key to a happy child is that you need a set daily schedule that can be flexible but pretty predictable. sure, some days you may want to change it to accomodate special occasions. but we pretty much stuck to his schedule no matter what. when we go out, he sleeps in the stroller at the designated time (so make sure you buy one that has full recline). we just rearranged our lives around him. trust me, it’s easier this way than the other way around. this way you have happy smiling baby every day. if you have questions, you can ask me. when they’re 4-6mo old, you can train them to sleep all night (or you can try bixby’s method since liam started sleeping all night at 1-2mo, which involves special bundling blanket and pacifier. lucas doesn’t use pacifier). i’m emailing you what i wrote back then. there are lots of ways out there, you just have to find what works for you and you’re comfortable with. but i recommend starting early instead of letting things go and then try to correct later. it takes more effort (trust me).