I never make New Year’s resolutions, since I figure, why disappoint myself? But this year, after losing it with the kids on New Year’s Day, I decided to make a resolution: no losing control of my temper with the kids. Now, most people who know me think that I’m a relatively calm person. Heck, even my one-word descriptor in my medical school yearbook was “serene”. But there’s something about having two two-year olds that just brings me to the brink almost every day. I think there’s something about my upbringing (my parents were pretty strict) that makes me think “if I just put the fear of God into them, they’ll fall in line”. This, I have learned, doesn’t work. They get scared, start crying, and say, “No screaming Mommy. I don’t like it. That’s not okay.” (They get these choice phrases from daycare.) They don’t connect the yelling with the behavior that I’m trying to stop.
Now, I know losing my temper is bad, but if somebody like me can do it, I can definitely sympathize with Alec Baldwin and the whole cell phone fiasco. We definitely heard worse things than “you’re a rude, thoughtless pig” growing up. I think as long as he apologized personally to his daughter, then I wouldn’t categorize him as a bad parent based on that phone call.
Anyway, hopefully announcing my resolution publicly will help me keep it. So far, 2 days of not losing control, so we’ll see.
Good for you, Agnes. Is a New Year’s resolution more likely to stick if a (similarly thought-be-calm) friend makes it with you? And is a somewhat loud, firm voice still okay? But two two-year-olds! It will get better I’m sure. When they’re older they still fight and whine, but at least there’s some capacity for logic and understanding consequences there.
Thanks, Cindy. A loud, firm voice is fine–it’s not really the volume–it’s the inner feeling of control. I just hate it when I feel like I can’t handle the kids and things start spiraling and I start yelling out of frustration.
agnes, somehow i just can’t see you yelling. anyway, it does get better. you can try the rewards chart or reward/reason with them since they started reasoning with you. lucas will do anything for chocolate or candy (which he gets rarely) or a favorite toy. i don’t necessarily have to give him the candy b/c he forgets but the thought of it just makes him happy (like i say you can have it after dinner then forgets). time out works well too. with ethan, sometimes we just have to walk away and let him cry until he’s settled b/c he’s too young to understand reasoning. both time out and walking away actually works well b/c it give us time to cool off so we are not screaming at them all the time. we’ve learned just to pick the battles and look the other way sometimes, esp when they’re tired.